You Still Hurt Me
by missing in imagination
Summary: I looked over my shoulder out of curiosity & dread and caught them wrapped in each other's arms and kissing at a beloved dream. I wanted to feel something- to feel hurt, or pain, or dismay. But I felt nothing- only the lover in my hold." Miam/Niley/Nelena


**hey everybody: **this is a result of my fervent desire for summer and sun and love and freedom. It just poured out of me. Some parts are extremely fluffy for my taste but you know, I'm really lovin them lately so I had to get that in. I want you to feel Miley's happiness and how she's enjoying her freedom with him. I'm not telling you who "him" is until you figure it out for yourself with the many clues I give you or just wait until the end. I just completely love the ending. And I apologize in advance for being a traitor, but these two are just too freaking happy together to pass up the chance of writing about them.  
Oh and um, can people stop reporting my stories? K thanks.  
Thanks for all the continued support, loving you always.

* * *

**July 2010**

_I'm not comfortable with how we never talk_  
_And I miss you since you went out for that walk_  
_Its been 32 months since December_  
_It still feels like yesterday_

The sun was slowly settling behind the hills, living out its golden glow. It wrapped a ring of honeyed light around the silhouettes of eight thousand people- indie kids spread out on bed sheets in the grass, arms behind heads, and bare toes where the larkspur grows. I couldn't imagine a more suitable summer sight. I was comfortable, and so was he.

He wore a vintage band tee with shorts and flip flops because sometimes he likes to pretend that he's still walking around Melbourne on a sunny afternoon. I constantly laugh at his sky blue sunglasses because they were so noticeable yet he is so reserved and anywhere we could ever think to go, he brought along some sort of relaxed normalcy. The brilliant orange of the sun couldn't put a veil over his eyes, the colour of the sky, vision of my heart and mind, but as I leaned closer for one short brush of lips, his gaze put a veil over mine and I couldn't see for the life of me. Just because he was that close.

We were sitting on a shady hill carpeted with cool green grass overlooking the sinking sun when he said, "You look really pretty, Miley."

I only took his arm, squeezed it real tight, and held on to it. My head found its way to a resting spot on his shoulder and with our gangly legs bent at the knees, we watched the fire die and the starry darkness emerge. My airy dress pooled at my feet and with a smile, I recounted the memory of when he gave it to me this morning in his car, folded perfectly and tied with violet ribbon. For a girl who could afford the most extravagant clothing in the world, this sundress of crimson, canary, lavender, and veridian floral print made me swoon so much that I insisted on pulling it on in the back seat before we arrived at the festival. It was simple and it was stunning. He made me feel like a princess. And that is the best thing he has ever done for me since my Prince Charming went away.

_I was scared to fix what I had broke_  
_ Its a lonely place to live with just a ghost _  
_There is love left in my life, I will see _  
_But you still hurt me_

My strappy sandals were back on my feet as we walked towards the crowd that was growing enormous. All the hippie teens, all the starving artists, the college grads, and the frustrated rockstars gathered at center stage in a conglomeration of hemp headbands and funky frocks, awaiting the thrill of live music. My sun streaked hair, cascading down my back that was now covered with his sweatshirt, reflected in the florescent blue stage lights that created a brilliant glow against the musicians that were now entering the stage. A thunder of cheers and pumping of fists paraded through my ears and I closed my eyes to see if I could feel a connection- if I could feel the booming heart beats of the artists running on stage, if I could feel that thriving anticipation and love and miracle but if I was able to feel anything, I couldn't. I couldn't because there was a hand in my hold and a tall body to lean against and I had somebody who made me feel not like a superstar, but like an average girl. In that moment, as we were bouncing to the music and laughing with the young people around us, I felt like the most normal music-loving girl I had ever felt like in a long time and it was all because he brought me here. He brought me here to feel something and it wasn't to feel my fame- it was to feel safe.

By the time the fourth band's set finished the moon read midnight. He and I were less involved in the concert and were sitting on the dirt ground behind the thinning mass of people. We had been here all day, hours of sun and stars and sweet kisses and lemonades. I felt grimy and dirty, but pleasant nonetheless and not a neuron in my brain told me I wanted to leave as if it were waiting for some final calamity to conclude the night.

I looked ahead, gazing through the sea of bare legs. "I like experiencing the opposite side of the spectrum," I announced.

"You enjoy sitting in the dirt?" he teased and made me roll my eyes.

"No," I laughed, "I feel like a fan. And I like that a lot."

He lazily dragged me closer to him, pulling me into his embrace, as I mumbled into his arm, "You're making my new dress all dirty," but he whispered right back into my ear, "I don't care." He cradled me into his lap and we stayed there, motionless except for the unity of his mouth to my forehead and to my mouth back again.

"What if we're all stars." I let my eyes leave his and they traveled up to the sky. "And not like celebrity-stars but like star-stars." I closed my eyes and my voice faded into a drowsy, sleep whisper. "What if we're all just these little specks of light in a gigantic pool of black. And all we do is watch over the day and shine at night. We'd just shine.. all the time."

"You shine," he said with a smile, "Actually, you're completely amazing."

My eyes opened to see his water-blue stare adoringly gazing upon me. Without hesitation I lifted my upper body from his cradle and kissed him on the mouth swiftly enough to reply, "You're amazing too," and for this I looked him right in the eye, "You make me feel safe."

He took a piece of loose hair and tucked it behind my ear. He said nothing, only smiled, and watched me as he ran his fingers through my hair, grabbing it all together, and twisting it to have it coil down my shoulder and onto my lap.

"My hair's too long," I mumbled as a complaint when a deep yawn rumbled through my insides like a wave.

"You're perfectly fine," he slid me back onto the ground and started to stand, "And I think it's time to head home."

I sighed, hating that this day had to end but realizing that time was endless and so is our future together. So I let him take hold of my hands and lift me to my feet, but just before we were ready to leave, I took one last look at the scene before me and took a snapshot in my mind.

There were only about fifty people left in front of the stage, reveling in the sounds of just two girls with their sea-strong voices and birdsong guitars. A small group to the left was doing something foolish and fun with a lighter as it flickered on and off, on and off, in a spurt of a bright orange flame. On the opposite side sat a couple on the ground, wrapped in a pathwork quilt, whispering soft little notions to each other. All who believe in free love but forgive those who don't. In those carefree, weightless moments, I decided, we were all stars.

I wrapped my arms length around his waist, knotting my fingertips together at his side, and remained in that hold as we made our way to the exit of the festival grounds. As the stage became more and more distant, like a faraway galaxy, the darkness of the late night enveloped us as if we were the only two people on the planet.

"This was fun," he said as we were only a few steps out of the exit when my heart lept up my throat and my vision went unclear. Suddenly, my entire world of stars was gone.

Nick was standing at the gate with his fancy shoes glimmering in the moonlight and with his perfect face paling as we locked eyes for just a few single seconds. His button down shirt was rolled up to his elbows and he cooly leaned against the exit with one foot against the gate behind him. I didn't even want to know why he was here or even bother to question why, no matter how hard we try, every time we spend time on our own some ludicrous force always finds a way to bring us together in the most nonsensical of ways. And that force nearly knocked me off my feet as over my shoulder I watched Selena come into view, putting her tiny little hand on his shoulder, wondering what was going wrong. I kept walking, and he and I just kept staring. The moment was quick and senseless but it was as if the world stopped spinning and the burning connection we made with our eyes was the only source of light in town. It was just enough to tell that we had lost so much, so much left unsaid, as everything we were and are crumbled before our eyes into pieces that will never be found again.

I didn't stop walking, I didn't make a sound. This entire moment of silent violence left me with no words wanting to be spoken and no emotions asking to be shed. I only desperately held onto Liam as we strolled right out the exit and into the parking lot where dozens of unkempt cars were left in their vacancy. I looked over my shoulder out of curiosity and dread and caught them wrapped in each other's arms and kissing at a beloved dream. I wanted to feel something- to feel hurt, or pain, or dismay. But I felt nothing- only the lover in my hold.

"Wasn't that you-know-who?" Liam asked as we finally approached his car.

"No," I mumbled but we both knew that was a lie.

He opened the passenger door for me and I miserably slid into the seat. He put his palms against the side of the car and leaned forward, "Do you want to say hi?"

"No," I looked in their direction once more and sighed, "He's with a friend."

_I'm not comfortable with how the story ends _  
_We were lovers and now we're not even friends_  
_ You were perfect and I guess I'm just a freak_  
_ But you still hurt me_

_

* * *

_Phew, I worked hard on this one. Let me know what you think. _  
_


End file.
